A Message to All Mothers from Valerie Porr
On this Mother's day, I want to acknowledge the courage and compassion of all the mothers coping with BPD. The mothers who keep loving, keep trying, keep hoping, keep searching for a way to connect, for a way they can help the person they love, keep looking for a person or method to help their loved one, You realize your loved one is so unhappy, is in so much pain however whatever you do to help just doesn't work, seems to backfire, to trigger more problems.
I honor the mothers who don't give up, who keep going despite the failure of most of their efforts, despite rejections, insults, anger, blame and fear. Living with the frustration of loving someone in so much pain yet not knowing how to help leaves you feeling powerless, like a failure.
Sometimes your frustration may turn to anger. Or guilt, because you didn't know sooner, made mistakes, followed bad advice, did the wrong thing with the right intentions, just didn't understand.
I want to acknowledge your grief ...grieving the child who could have been, the loss of expectations, loss of hope, loss of connection, or the ultimate loss to suicide. Your grief is usually invalidated.
On Mother's Day let's honor these special mothers and remind them to have compassion for themselves. We only get one mother in this life .These mothers are brave and persistent .......they try so hard. It takes so much courage and radical acceptance to love someone with BPD.
With my sincerest hopes that science will soon advance and find a way to truly help our loved ones with BPD.Thinking of all of you and sending you courage and compassion
Valerie Porr